Home. Wherever that may be.

So this is it. All my belongings are in a truck headed west, along with the love of my life. I can’t believe that we are doing this. I’m so excited. So excited that I can’t find it in me to be sad just yet. And that’s not without trying. I tried to have a good cathartic cry, the tears just haven’t come. Yet.

Last night and this morning, I sat on the floor of my empty apartment and thought about what has changed in my life since the day I moved in.

I have lived in this apt since May of 2010. I had too many drinks the first night I lived here and had to climb in through my balcony. The same third floor balcony that I dropped my phone off earlier that day.

Six months later, I stopped drinking and slowly started to put the pieces of my life back together. I mended myself and I mended relationships. I decorated my apartment. I got curtains and I even hung them up all by myself. Today I wrapped myself up in those same curtains and said “Thank You.”

Thank you for this home; where I learned to stop being so afraid of the world and get more into loving it instead.

I have done the bulk of my traveling while calling this place home and it has been such a good place to return to. I stopped calling myself bad names within these walls, and learned how to forgive myself too. I learned how to let myself be loved, and learned to love someone else.

I have never loved anywhere I’ve lived as much as I have loved this little apt. Even with its quirks and the three awful flights of stairs I had to climb to get there, it was the first place that I ever looked in the mirror and was happy to just BE.

Thank you for all the memories, Chicago. I’m gonna make you so proud.

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