How does the time pass so quickly and nothing seems to get done? At least that is how I feel most days. That time is flying past me and I am doing nothing, nothing, nothing…. But i know this is so far from true. I am doing a lot. Doing a lot of things that I love, that sometimes (all the time) distract me from the things that I THINK I should be doing. All the things I tell myself that I should do never seem to get done, but lots of beautiful stuff has been happening in my life this year and I can’t help to smile big when I think about it all.
But as happy as I am, I have developed a little bit of guilt about this poor neglected blog of mine. It needs some design work, and I know nothing about these things. I am a good alcoholic and I like to compare my stuff to other pretty blogs that I read. I’ve stopped comparing my writing or doubting it (haha!), and instead of have stopped writing because my poor blog isn’t pretty enough. This is the thinking that cripples me and when it starts to pop up, I usually just run away from it all by running away from writing in general. And it makes me so sad. Because I really do love to write and I haven’t been doing enough of it. Thank God for that lovely woman Anne Lamott, because I just read this quote of hers, and wouldn’t you know I was inspired to get some stuff out.
How do you begin? The answer is simple: you decide to. Then you push back your sleeves and start writing–I.e., scribbling words down on paper, or typing at a computer. And it will be completely awful. It will be unreadable shit! You won’t have a clue how it account to anything, ever. And to that, I say, Welcome. That’s what it’s like to be a writer. But you just do it anyway. At my church, we sing a gospel song called, “Hallelujah anyway.” Everything’s a mess, and you’re going down the tubes financially, and gaining weight? Well, Hallelujah anyway.
Isn’t that lovely? I think so. Wouldn’t you know that I might have picked the worst possible time to get inspired. It’s late, I have to be up early, and as my pal, Lauren, says, “Nothing good happens after midnight.” But, if I don’t get this out now, I’ll probably never find the time. I’m always putting writing off for a better time, but the truth is that there is never a good time. And there won’t ever be, unless I start making time for it.
So, this is me; making time. Even if it’s the most inopportune time, it’s time and these are words and there is a cat keeping my feet warm. That’s all this girl needs to write. Not a beautiful fancy blog with a covetous font, just this blog; a modern day version of a yellow pad and pencil. And of course a brain to form thoughts with, and fingers to type with. Maybe a cup of hot tea would be good as well, but if I get up now, I’m never coming back. And if I do that, these thoughts that are forming will be gone before I can get them out.
So yeah, maybe I don’t write much these days because I don’t have a fancy blog or maybe I am just not spending enough time alone and I don’t have enough time to get honest with myself about why I’m not writing. When I discover things about myself, it’s so much easier to shout my discoveries from the rooftops or better yet, shove my ideas down the throats of the people that I take as hostages. Yes, these things are easier, but it is so much more productive to write about it and then turn these ideas that I have over to my God for protection. Because all too often, my profound discoveries turn out to be profound disasters. And this is revealed to me much quicker when I am writing stuff out and when I am praying for guidance.
As this year moves along faster than any year yet, I am moved to look at the moments that are flying by with complete and utter disbelief. This life is way better than I ever thought that it could be. I’ve got some amazing plans on my agenda in the upcoming months and I am so excited for what tomorrow and the rest of the future hold. And, if this stuff gets messy (it undoubtably will), I’m gonna throw my hands up and say, “HALLELUJAH ANYWAY.”