Lately, it seems like every book I get my hands on, every motivational TEDtalk that I watch, and every other person I talk to is telling me the same thing: that in order to get to where I want to be in life, I have to know what I want. Some people shrug stuff like this off, but I cannot do that. I feel like I’m getting a pretty clear message from the universe that is saying one thing over and over again. Figure out what it is that want, Lori Anne Mitchell, and GO GET IT.
Do you know what you want? I sure as hell don’t. I mean, sure, there are things that I know I need in order to be happy. I know I need good relationships with people that I love and trust, a strong relationship with God, a job that I love and a purpose to serve when I show up at that job, a roof over my head, and a future that looks better than my past. All of these things are tangible ideas that I’m currently holding on to and working hard at to continue holding on to them.
But what about those things that I desire that I haven’t yet obtained? Those goals that I dream about, write about and spend evenings on my porch talking about with my girlfriends. Those things that I know that I can live without but I also know that I really want. Things like true love, true passions. Vacations. Places I want to go. Goals I want to achieve. What does my future really look like in my head? And how am I going to get there? All these books I read are great, because they are showing me what kind of writing I like, and what I don’t like. But I can read every book in the world and still not get where I want to be, if I don’t know where that WHERE is and WHAT it looks like.
I have a lot of thinking to do. And a lot of writing. I have a lot of cleaning house to do as well. I feel like my life is so cluttered with things (and people) that are holding me back and keeping me from growing. I also need to give myself permission to think big, because I deserve big. Once upon a time, I was someone who didn’t think she deserved anything. But this year has taught me lesson upon lesson about the beauty of knowing how much more I am worthy of attaining and how much work is needed in order to get those things that I didn’t think I deserved. But first things first, I have to figure out what it is that I want and what I’m willing to give up in order to get there.
I have to start making lists and checking them off. I’ve always loved the idea of list making, but I am not so good at sticking to those lists once they’re made. I get distracted by life, by phone calls, by meetings, by fellowship, movies, books, boys, my bike, the beach, vacations, and pretty much anything else that sounds like more fun than doing any sort of actual work.
I have to start making rules for myself and sticking to those rules.
I need to slow down! Always, the desire to” pack more into the stream of life”, instead of slowing down and enjoying simple things, like a cup of coffee. Instead, a cup of coffee turns into a something else or four other somethings. And above all, I need to ask for help. From friends, who are like-minded with similar struggles and similar desires. We can really hold each other accountable if we tried. I feel like I am blessed with this amazing group of women (and men) who teach me new stuff all the time. It would be awesome if we could set goals for ourselves and challenge each other to work harder to make those goals happen. AND, I must always trust that God has my back in helping me find the way to those things that I want. But, in order to know that God is there, I must always keep the lines of communication open. Without those lines, I wouldn’t be where I am today.
If I had a long overnight ahead of me, I would spend a few hours writing things down and trying to figure some of this stuff out. Unfortunately, I have seven hours till my alarm goes off, and I don’t function like my normal self on a small amount of sleep. Part of me wants to say, “Forget the sleep, I’m inspired!” But the good part of me (obviously, the part that I should pay more attention to) knows that in order for me to be happy at work and be of service, I must get some sleep. So, I’ll do that.
Standby for more… And in the meantime, if you are someone who knows what you want and you feel compelled to share, please do. Also, if you wish to, tell me how you got there. Thanks!